(Adapted from article written by Alan D. Wolfelt, 1991)
1) Move towards your grief and heal
You cannot heal unless you openly express your grief. Denying your grief will only make it become more confusing and overwhelming. Embrace your grief and heal. Grief is a process, not an event . It’s ok to cry and express your sadness. Not just ok but necessary.
2) Realize your grief is unique
No one will grieve in exactly the same way that you do. You will grieve in your own special way. Don’t try to compare your experience with that of other people . Consider taking a “one-day-at-a-time” approach that allows you to grieve at your own pace.
3) Talk about your grief
Express your grief openly. By sharing, healing will occur. Ignoring it won’t make it go away. Allow yourself to speak from y our heart and not just from your head. Avoid people who are critical of you or tell you to be happy. You have a right to express your grief.
4) Expect to feel a multitude of emotions
Experiencing loss affects your head, heart and spirit. Confusion, disorganization, fear, guilt, relief or explosive emotions are just a few of the emotions you may feel. They are all normal and healthy. Grief attacks which may overwhelm you are a natural response to the death of someone loved. Find someone who understands your feelings and will allow you to talk about them.
5) Allow for numbness
Feeling dazed or numb is often part of your early grief experience. It serves a valuable purpose: it gives your emotions time to catch up with what your mind has told you. This feeling helps create insulation from the reality of the death until you are more able to tolerate what you don’t want to believe.
6) Be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits
Your feelings of loss may leave you fatigued. You may experience low fatigue, and you may need to slow down. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Nurture yourself. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. Lighten your schedule as much as possible.
7) Develop a support system
Reaching out to others and accepting support is often difficult. Find those people who encourage you to be yourself and acknowledge your feelings: both happy and sad.
8) Embrace your spirituality
If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. If you are angry at God, realize that this is a normal part of your grief work. Surround yourself with people who share your religious beliefs.
9) Allow a search for meaning
Search for the meaning of why someone died is a normal part of the healing process. Some questions have answers, and some don’t. The healing occurs in the opportunity to pose the questions , not necessarily in answering them.
10) Treasure your memories
Memories are the best legacies that exist after someone loved dies. Treasure them and share them with friends and family. Keep pictures on table tops and speak of your loved one.
Please call me, Tabasom, today at (604) 889-3635 to find out whether counselling is a safe option for you at this time.
Please note that I do phone and Internet counselling sessions as well. My Skype ID is tabasom.eblaghie.
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