By Tabasom Eblaghie
Registered Clinical Counsellor
My name is Perfectionism.
I am never eager to introduce myself, and prefer to stay in the background.
Behind a set of friends who visit you, and influence your measure of worth:
Shame. Sadness. Guilt. Fear.
But you’ve found me out. And now I will shine, in all my glory.
I am Perfectionism. The invisible entity that visits you, silently, quietly, gently ravaging your peace of mind.
My rules are many. My “shoulds” endless. I set the bar high, really high, and if you dare get close to it, I raise it higher.
I am that circus ringmaster, complete with whip and grandeur. Snap of the whip! Jump! Walk! Crawl to my command!
At the beginning of our collaboration, it was to bring out the best in you. Work harder. Aim higher. Reach further.
As time went on, Ego fed my hunger. It was not enough!
Work harder! Aim higher! Reach further! Snap of the whip.
I am Perfectionism. The invisible enemy, haunting your day, hijacking your nights.
You entered my circus, jumped on the wheel and started going around in circles.
It is never enough.
Your achievements – what achievements? I will hone in on the one minute mistake and place a laser beam on it. Dissect it from all angles. Oh, the shame of it all!
My unkind words haunt you: People will know! People will find out! You are a fraud!
You are nothing!
I am Perfectionism. The invisible entity that visits you, silently and quietly with my roaring voice.
My world is black and white. No colour. Not even shades of grey.
It is never enough. You will never be enough!
I laugh at Humility, Kindness and Justice. Come to me and away from Unity, Love and Harmony.
I will make you better than. “Better than what”, you ask?
Better than them all! Up, up and away.
“But what about belonging, community feeling and being of service to others”, you ask? Stop your nonsense!
I am the god in your life.
Get back to work. Go back to your wheel.
I am Perfectionism. And I am watching.