By Tabasom Eblaghie
Registered Clinical Counsellor
Valentine’s day is an interesting day. It brings forward the notion of love and togetherness, unity and harmony. It is a day to celebrate the accomplishments of a couple, and to honour the hard work that’s been done in keeping them together, and building something beautiful.
But this day also brings forward the voice of “Negative Comparison”. It’s a stark reminder of what one doesn’t have. It’s publically advertised and everywhere one goes, visions of floating hearts, roses, boxes of chocolates, romantic dinners etc, can create feelings of being “less than”.
As a therapist, I’ve met with many women and men who are affected by the voice of Negative Comparison and its lies: it whispers that because that individual is single, they’re perhaps not loveable. Or worthy. They’ve made mistakes and somehow should change themselves so that they could become worthy of love. It tells them that society’s rules and watchdog behaviour is watching and judging them.
Negative comparison tells them to isolate and hide away because there must be something inherently wrong with them.
Even for those in relationships that are perhaps not “perfect”, it is a harsh day – Negative Comparison reminds them that they chose the “wrong” person, and a further mental beating for staying in the relationship.
Negative Comparison is unkind and does not remind these individuals about their Integrity: for not settling, for following their intuition and staying away from someone who doesn’t bring out the best in them, for following their dreams, for standing up against violence and abuse, for leaving relationships where their partner was abusive, angry and punished them for their love…
It’s unaware of the sensitive soul, and beautiful heart inherent in these individuals and their Courage for going against the norms of a society that is individualistic, and punishing of anyone who doesn’t follow its set standards.
Negative Comparison is an entity that exists outside of us, and created by others and society in general. Negative Comparison forgets all of the accomplishments of ‘single’ individuals, their sweat and tears in achieving great things, their families and friends who love them, their creative and artistic sides, their passion and love for life, and sacrifices made in the past for loved ones. It diminishes self-respect, and self-acceptance. It only looks at right now. It takes away Hope, and the possibility of great things to come.
Perhaps today can be the day where those affected by the lies of Negative Comparison can step out of the abusive relationship and isolation created by this Entity, and allow the voice of Courage, Integrity and Hope to step in, and be a loving reminder of the COMPLETE story of each of us.
To make an appointment, please email Tabasom at tabasom@generatehope.ca
