“Letting Go of the Icy Clutch of Anger”

By Tabasom Eblaghie

I read somewhere that “Hurt people, hurt people”.

I don’t believe it.

I think when we are hurt by someone we care about, a “friend” enters our lives.

That friend’s name is “Anger”.

It stands next to us in our assessment of the situation, and plays the role of advocate in our lives. It gently pushes us towards either withdrawing from the person who has hurt us, or gives us standing ovations in our moments of aggression.

Anger tells us that with its help, we have a VOICE. We have control. It protects us from further pain by telling us what to do. Up to a point, it guides us in the right direction so we are no longer treated like doormats. It can definitely be a friend to us in certain circumstances. But not all. And then….

One day…it turns on us. And becomes the enemy.

Anger is great at being in charge. We no longer have the story telling rights to the stories that are being repeated, because Anger is now the author.

This telling and re-telling of the stories by the voice of Anger shapes and starts to create us. It digs its claws into us and makes us tell stories from 5, 10 or 15 years ago. It enjoys our suffering, and the victim stance it has created for us. So do hurt people, hurt people? NO! Anger pushes hurt people to hurt people. And in doing so, the person who gets hurt the most, is the person living with Anger. The problem is Anger’s visits, and its influence in our lives.

Is there something else that we could do? Perhaps.

When Anger enters our lives, we have the choice to turn towards “Gratitude”, our gentle and calming friend.

When Anger invites the “old” stories in, you can turn away from its ice cold clutch, and focus on ONE thing that you are grateful for:

Who do you love? Who makes you smile? Is there a little boy or girl in your life who makes your heart sing? A pet? A moment in your life, which still shines bright like a full moon? What day would you like to re-live? What vacation spot still tugs at your heartstrings? What makes you wide-eyed with wonder?

Close your eyes. Take a deep breath into your belly. Bring that person, moment, thing, or picture forward – hold them close to you. Remember your loved one’s eyes, their laughter, how they held you and allow that love to form a barrier between you and Anger.

Bring back the sense of contentment, peace and fulfillment you felt at that special moment, and the sense of Gratitude you felt for having experienced it.

Then slowly exhale. With each breath, imagine melting away the frosty grip of Anger’s hate. With every inhale, breathe in the beauty and love of Gratitude.

It’s old stuff. Let it go.

Frosted flowers